A wonderful psychologist turned to me one day just after we had been soundly cursed and observed, “I think, Jane Hall, that this is Barney’s fault.” I had never considered such a thing and was taken aback.
You are special, you’re the only one! You’re the only one like you! There isn’t another in the whole wide world who can do the things you do! Cause you are special, special! Everybody’s special; everyone in his or her own way. (Barney’s Birthday Party)
I was certainly glad the cursing kid did not have a twin but I was also very fond of Barney. As my grandchildren’s after work babysitter and then full time Nanny, I spent a lot of time with Barney and I can only say that he was good to me.
The Bible tells us that the very hairs of our head are numbered. Surely each of us is special to God (Kingdom of Heaven, page 103 ). But Cynthia was onto something; these kids had a sense of entitlement that was foreign to earlier generations. Many really believed that they should have the things they wanted just because they wanted them. They lacked concepts of working for something, of saving, of delaying gratification.
Too many years ago, when I was at Peabody, we did multiple studies on improving self concept in children with handicapping conditions. We tried an enormous number of independent variables or treatments. What changed kids’ sense of self? Achievement. In my own dissertation, I was amazed that the highest gains in self concept were among the kids who were most impaired. Intrigued, I started asking them about it. They were still years behind their contemporaries. I’ll never forget; repeatedly, the children looked at me and said things like, “I used to know 10 words; now I know 25.”
My husband worked for awhile at a prison boot camp program. They did PT and marched and went to class. “Are they changed at all-any of them?” A few. “What part changes them?” Like most folk I assumed it would be the constant discipline. The work. “What do you mean?” I asked. These people have never accomplished anything. With us, they paint schools and clean up rivers and camps. They see that something is changed by what they do.
If you study the scriptures, there is not a lot about sitting around waiting to get what you want. True, Jesus did heal many people and brought some back from the dead, but as our deacon said recently, they all ultimately died. And when Jesus healed them, He never told them to just go take it easy.
Work gives our lives meaning.
Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.
What is your work? (Kingdom of Heaven, page 135). I know, I know you’ll get around to the inmate or kid just as soon as you fill out the morning report, catch up the log book, write the DR, gather the witness statements, log in the grievance, make the inmates clean up the mess that set the warden off. I’ve been there. I once sent for a kid whose special education IEP I had just written. “What did you want, ma’am?” he asked with confusion.
“Well, I just wrote your school plan and I wanted to see what you look like. You look pretty good.” I realize how pitiful that is, but we had to have those IEP’s or we’d be out of compliance. I have been where you are and it is not an easy place.
Remember, what you do does matter and in the final analysis, you don’t work for the state.
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